what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am one with the molecules
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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