i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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