It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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