you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
