I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
