when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
