it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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