'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
