I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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