I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
