you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
