one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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