Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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