just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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