I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
