It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
