so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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