only you would photoshop your dick
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
