Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
