grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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