I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
