im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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