Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
