you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
