Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I believe in your delicious
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
