Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
