im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
