Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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