is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
