seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize