i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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