May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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