And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
