South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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