There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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