i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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