I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
