if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
