i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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