There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
