Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
