I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
