this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
