When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
