I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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