If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
