Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
