if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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