So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
