Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
