he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
