i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
