McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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