I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
