my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
