i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
