I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
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it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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