If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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