You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
