Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
