I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
PANTIES FOUND
I see more hoeing in ur future
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