Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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