Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize