also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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