You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
