So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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