last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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