everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry about my life...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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