just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Randomize
