Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
